Humans of LifeWeb: Julia & Jan
by Rebecca Aizin
Part of the Humans of LifeWeb series
An avid reader of science fiction and fantasy herself, Jan fostered a love of reading in all her children. Every night all 5 kids would be on Jan’s bed as she read them a chapter of The Hobbit and later, the Lord of the Rings.
During the day, she would teach them horseback riding, another one of her fervent passions. Julia, her daughter, remembered how as an overconfident girl she would jump her Shetland pony over everything, resulting in many painful accidents. However, Jan would not let these incidents hinder Julia from getting back on.
Julia and Jan enjoying nature together
“In my very early horse-riding days, Mom had one rule 'If you fall off, you have to get right back on,’” Julia said. “There were some teary occasions when it took everything Mom had to encourage me to climb back on, but she always made sure I did, even if it was only for a few minutes.”
These memories served to show what kind of person and mother Jan was: encouraging, kind and resilient.
Growing up, Julia met many children who would come into her home, ready to be tutored in horseback riding, school lessons or just experience caring for the many animals on their farm. Jan was a wonderful listener and quick to recognize the strengths in the young people in her life. She always encouraged these kids to try new things and participate in their community, something they may not have been able to do otherwise. Her kindness and desire to help others lead to her involvement in many activities, and was sometimes to Julia and her siblings’ chagrin, but Jan stuck by it.
“She stood her own and followed her own heart, even if other people might not agree,” Julia said. “Now, I appreciate what she did so much. Kindness and empathy are traits she’s nurtured in our family, and that I look for in people that become my friends.”
Apart from horseback riding and reading, Jan was also very holistic and intrinsically motivated, leading her to write 14 books on making her own soap and cosmetics, growing her own plants and medicine. She was the type of person who saw gaps and filled them, always wanting to contribute something useful to society.
As a mother, Jan was an extraordinarily good listener. With 5 children, there were of course differences of opinions when it came to family decisions, but Julia and her siblings felt like they were always heard and understood. Jan didn’t always have the answer, but she didn’t need to. Her kind words and keen ears were enough.
For Jan, the magic was in the everyday things. When Julia was young, Jan once woke her in the wee hours of the morning to go watch their horse give birth. While that was certainly not an everyday occasion, today, Julia is still reminded of her in the simple joys of nature.
Julia and Jan with family
Recently, Julia was sitting on her couch drinking tea when she noticed an elm tree with dew drops on its leaves. She noticed how the light hit one dew drop, creating a beautiful prism of light and immediately thought of how Jan would have loved that.
“Those are the sort of small things she taught us to take notice of and pause and look at, and she taught that to my kids too,” Julia said. “I’m reminded of her unexpectedly, even a beautiful little bird makes me think ‘Oh she would have loved that.’”
The main lesson Julia has learned from her mother is resilience; in hard times, her mother’s strength helps her get through.
“I never saw her all ‘woe is me,’ she always figured out the best way to get through it,” Julia said. “The way she took things face full on has been helpful and the ways Mom dealt with ups and downs in her life has really built resilience in all of us kids”
It’s her mother’s resilience that has primarily guided Julia in her struggle with grief, and it’s her mother’s lessons of kindness and the value of having an open heart that will continue to define and shape who Julia is today. Thank you, Jan.